Shabby Chic Boho Alright, so in a way, it’s a kinda funny, be it individuals, as parents, married people, well, everyone, because everyone will have intimacy one day, someday. So, there’s this funny little thing nobody really sits you down and explains about falling for someone. Well, at the beginning, intimacy feels like this whole new universe. It’s exciting, it’s fun, it’s a little wild, and honestly, it feels like you’re starring in some romance movie you didn’t even audition for. Like, everything is new, everything feels dramatic in the best way, and it’s so easy to think that this will last forever.
And yeah, that’s totally understandable, because the beginning is intoxicating. You’re discovering each other, you’re discovering what closeness feels like with this specific person, and you’re riding on adrenaline half the time.
But Real Life Happens
But eventually, real life comes strolling in, just casually dropping all its bags right in the middle of the room. Meaning that your relationship’s energy starts shifting. It’s not a bad shift, it’s not even a scary shift, it’s just what naturally happens when two people go from the excitement of “new” to the rhythm of “long-term.”
In a way, it’s beautiful, but for whatever reason, society loves to push the whole adrenaline, passionate thing, when sometimes, soft, sweet, and slow is the best (well, both are great, but one is more realistic and stable). And that’s the part so many couples misunderstand. They think something’s wrong when really they’re just transitioning into a different, more grown-up version of intimacy. And again, it’s completely stable.
The Spark at the Start is Supposed to be Intense
Well, it’s best to just start here, so that first stage really is its own thing. Everything feels huge. A look across the room suddenly has meaning. A late-night conversation feels like destiny or something like that. And yeah, it’s totally normal to get wrapped up in that wave because it feels so good. Like, it feels more than good, you feel alive, you feel all these amazing feelings, and barely anything compares.
And yeah, nothing is routine yet, there are no unwashed dishes sitting in the sink, no arguments about whose turn it is to pick up groceries, no years of emotional baggage layered underneath your day-to-day interactions. It’s just two people discovering each other and acting like sleep isn’t necessary for survival. And yeah, at the beginning, all of this is so much fun, young love, right?
But that’s the thing, right? The beginning works the way it does because it’s meant to hook you into the possibility of a long-term connection. Besides, passion is naturally strongest at the start because your brain is basically throwing confetti every time your partner texts you. Eventually, though, once the relationship settles into something more stable, that intensity calms down. It has to. But seriously ehre, absolutely nobody can survive living on emotional espresso shots forever.
Life Just Doesn’t Play Fair Here
Even though it gets to the point where that great fun and new feeling of passion fizzles, the love itself is still there, the adoration is still there, the desire is still there. It’s just evolved into something beautiful, stable, and strong. It’s love, it’s true love at this point. But even so, life is still there, those milestones are still there, and that’s where intimacy starts getting complicated.
But real life doesn’t care about your relationship timeline. Stress walks in like it’s been invited into every little aspect. Hormones ruin it *be it medicine, pregnancy, postpartum, birth control, etc.), work drains it, and well, yeah, other things in life, so these shifts mean less intimacy. The love and support are still there, sometimes rocky; besides, during hard times, the average person doesn’t have it in them to get aroused.
Intimacy Evolves in Each Stage in Life
Actually, the start or middle of parenthood is a prime example. So, pregnancy is its own layered experience. Your body changes, your comfort levels change, your mind changes, and honestly, your whole identity can feel like it’s rearranging itself. Intimacy during pregnancy can still exist, but it might look totally different. Maybe it’s softer, maybe it’s less frequent, maybe it feels awkward sometimes. Oh, and don’t forget about postpartum here, because that’s another journey entirely. Your body needs time.
Sometimes, a lot of time. Some people need months, others need years, before they feel physically and emotionally ready again. And the exhaustion from raising young kids doesn’t help. You’re both tired, maybe touched out, maybe stressed, maybe trying to figure out how to still feel like partners when diapers, dishes, and pure survival mode take up most of your day. So yeah, intimacy naturally shifts.
But that doesn’t mean it disappears. It just becomes something you have to approach with a little more understanding, a little more patience, and okay, maybe a little humour. But long-term relationships aren’t what you see in movies; they’re slow, loving, and understandable.
Relearning Each Other is Part of the Deal
Well, here’s another thing: people love to act like once you know someone, you know them forever. But honestly, that’s not how humans work. People grow constantly. They change careers, they change priorities, they gain confidence, they lose confidence, they hit rough patches, they go through phases, they find new hobbies they swear they’ll stick with, and they become slightly new versions of themselves every couple of years.
Okay, you’re getting the point here, the love that you met 10 years ago isn’t the same, you aren’t the same. Well, you’re both evolved versions, but that still means some changes. And intimacy has to adjust right along with that. What someone enjoyed at 23 might not feel right at 33, 43, 53, etc.
It’s also really normal for people to look for distractions when intimacy feels uncertain. Some scroll social media. Some dive into work. And some, in a moment of emotional distance, might even end up browsing something like the best Asian OnlyFans accounts out of unmet needs or other reasons. Sometimes, a temporary disconnect happens, and that’s totally fine, too.
It’s Not About Fireworks
Sure, the fireworks are great, they are, but that’s only a small part of it. Plus, the biggest myth is that passion is supposed to feel like the first year forever. It’s not realistic, and that’s fine. The love is still there, the desire is still there, but everything is stable, it’s soft, it’s so meaningful, which is the best part of it all. It’s love, that’s the best way to sum it all up, it’s love.
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